Mutual Masturbation: Sexual Techniques for Couples

Mutual masturbation sounds like an oxymoron. After all, masturbation is something you do by yourself, right? If someone else is in the room, isn’t that just called having sex?

Yes and no. After all, masturbation is its unique sexual activity. It comes with its own set of practices, intentions, and assumptions. And you can bring those into sex with someone else. Masturbating with a partner might mean you're touching yourselves at the same time, or it might mean you are masturbating with your partner in the room, participating, but not through the touch of their own.

Not that you need a list of reasons to try it, but here are a few things people love about mutual masturbation:

•    It's another side of you: sharing talk about masturbation and masturbating in your partner’s presence can be a powerful way of sharing a new level of intimacy

•    It gives you a chance to learn what your partner likes, and teach your partner what works for you.

•    It's a great way to deal with differing sex drives; you don’t both have to be in the mood at the same time.

If you haven't tried it before, here are some tips to get you started.

Wait until the Time Is Right

Don’t pressure yourself (or accept pressure from a partner) to explore mutual masturbation. While it can be a great way to improve your sex life, it's also very intimate and exposing, and you should only do it when the time is right.

If you’re unsure about it, think about what smaller steps you can take to share masturbation with a partner.

Talk about Masturbation with Your Sex Partner

Before you dive in, it’s a good idea to talk about masturbation with your partner. The conversation doesn’t need to be serious, and it could even start as more of a curiosity, sharing stories about when you first masturbated, or how you learned to masturbate. The point is to get masturbation on the table as a topic as a way of gauging both your and your sex partner comfort with the subject.

Honor Your Need and Desire for Privacy

The first time you masturbate with someone else in the room it may feel weird. Most of us have a way we like to masturbate, and for most of us, this includes feeling like we’re alone and have some level of privacy. One way to get over the hump that first time is to keep your eyes closed (or if you don’t want to focus on that, use a blindfold or scarf to cover your eyes). For some persons, this is the simplest way to masturbate in front of a partner for the first time.

Take Turns

One of the best things about masturbating in front of your partner is the lessons learned about what turns you on.

Each of you should get an opportunity to watch the other masturbate without any distractions. The first time you share masturbation, if it feels awkward, you might agree in advance to take turns, one of you starting and masturbating until you’re done, and then the other goes. While simultaneous mutual masturbation can also be fun, letting yourself be the focus of attention can also be both arousing and educational.

Mutual Masturbation Sex Positions

Once you’re comfortable with mutual masturbation in both theory and practice, it's time to mix it up and play with different positions and situations. Doing this can enhance the sexual response you get from masturbation, it can also spark different fantasy scenarios, and lead to more learning for your partner. Try mutual masturbation on different pieces of furniture (if you’re always in bed, try it in a chair, in the shower, on the floor) and experiment with different sex positions.

Masturbating Each Other

While most of us might think that a hands-off-each-other approach is what defines masturbation, dictionary definitions of mutual masturbation usually include touching each other and there’s no reason not to blur that line. This might include you focusing on another part of your partner’s body while they masturbate, or you might be right in the center of the action. You might use parts of each other's bodies in your masturbation technique. Or maybe you come in the right at the end, to help out with the big finish.